The clock is ticking in my room
it's ticking so loud I can hear the seconds shaking
the minutes breaking, and the hours waking.
It screams at me to fall asleep but I cannot
Or I will not
Who will ever be able to tell the difference?
I lie here still, pinching loose skin
pulling and prodding
stretching, and scratching
I want it gone.
I toss and I turn,
Unable to sleep
Unable to wake.
I sew my eyes shut, ever so gently
and pretend to dream
I dream of myself, in the most ideal world
I dream of life in a different world
I see thin girls in bikinis prancing,
I see attractive couples, holding hands, dancing
I see myself looking in a mirror,
and smiling, inwardly and outwardly.
I see myself being happy
As I think about everything,
for the thousandth time tonight
one single thing clicks within me

I don't hate my life,
I just hate myself.