Before the revolution, I snuck into the capitol with a pocket full of Wrigley’s Doublemint and a ski mask.
Lurking in their hallways after hours. Hiding in their aisles to find all their loose pens, I chewed gum and covered all the tips with Doublemint.
The ***** money in a politician’s pocket will stick to their fingertips from all the sugar and spit. I stuffed the president’s inkwell with gum stick wrappers. Countless taxpayer dollars will pour into the pockets of Bic and Paper Mate because of my vandalism. Watch me take a bite from the budget and chew.
While my comrades are in the streets taking tear gas and pepper spray my breath smells of peppermint and my bullets come in 35¢ packs. Pens get capped with dextrin and aspartame to snipe a signature from falling on the bill that signs your life away.
I’m on the couch with my mask off flossing and watching C-SPAN, as the House collectively wastes hours scraping fountain pens and ballpoints. Looking at a government full of corrupt pearly whites, my head thrown back, I cackle like a mad criminal with a mouth full of cavities.