I miss the old days
Sky’s today are so Grey
My mind constantly caring about the eyes that I face
Worrying about my image or feeling a buzz , my mind is in a haze
I can’t gauge my friends and they’re odd emotions
One day they love me the next day they don’t
How can a day be so fun and the next be as rocky as an ocean
I always wish my emotions didn’t interfere and always hope that they won’t
This place is great and people here are kind but nothing ever last
Maybe it’s just me and my mind racing so incredibly fast
I can’t seem to slow her down or speed her up
It’s like her gears won’t work and she’s constantly getting stuck
I hide a part of me to some and embrace it to others
I want to be loved , oh so loved , but hate It when I’m smothered
Is there something wrong with me or am I just normal
Am I a decent person or a terrible person because this feeling is horrible
I can’t show emotions when I want to but when I do they burst out
A laugh is never a real one but my anger always is and it hurts now
I love my adventures and independent nights
But when I’m alone and with my thoughts that light doesn’t shine so bright
Once in a while I think what it’s like to be with the clouds
Free with a breeze and wind and only nature’s sounds .
I wonder what it’s like to be a star in the sky always looking down
Shining so bright and beautiful going around and around
I wonder what’s it’s like to be the moon or the sun , a beautiful pair
So bright, so big ,and beautiful without a worry or a care
I’m so lost with who I am
I want to share who * is and what she really believes in
Who she loves and the people who she sees in
I miss the cuddles from my friends from Cali
And the crazy school assembly’s even the pointless ******* rally’s
I’m drifting away from what feels like everything in my life
It triggers a reminder to remember to never pick up the knife
Transition is hard and is never easy
But why does it last so long for me why why why
And in the worst way possible
Why have I become so disconnected and so very hostile
I love the ones who don’t love me
But neglect that ones that do
Relationships have been a big question mark for me and frankly I have no clue what to do
*** is an addiction and not a very good one might I mention
I’ve lost touch with my morals and values and constantly feel stuck with an overwhelming tension
My mother is great and I love her so much
My dad is getting older and my brothers and I have lost touch
I see my future and it’s very narrow
The light at the end of the tunnel is as dark as a sparrow
Hey future Me if you read this I know you’re in a struggle
But take a deep breath because not everything in the world is meant for you to juggle
Love yourself and accept who you are
You’re only given one chance, one body, so please take yourself far
I know these are just words but please take them in
You’re normal , you sin , you lose sight of what’s right, and you can’t always win
As long as you’re content and in love with yourself
Then loving others around you will be easier for you, it’s all about mental health
Depression is dark but you are much brighter
God put everyone individual on this earth for a reason ,you’re not the exception
God will always allow you to ask for forgiveness and give you redemption
I love you coming from my heart
I will always love * because you’re beautiful and smart
I believe these things even in the worst times
So you need to lift your head up and and lift it up high
This is where I end this but take this wherever you go
Life is bumpy and will never be perfect , just enjoy the ride and take your time on this not so smooth road