Do I care what you think of me?

Do you think I care if you consider me fat, stupid or ugly?

Your opinion doesn't matter to me. It never will.

Or else I won't let you see that it does.

With every hurtful comment, I brake a little more.

I stop feeling.
Stop believing that there can be a better tomorrow.
So every morning I plaster that smile on my face and walk out that door.

I don't let you see how much you hurt me.

Because that would be letting you win.
Because that would be letting you know how much I care about you.
That my love for you is killing me from the inside.
Destroying me more effectively than your words ever could.

So instead I smile and tell the world that I'm fine.
Let them believe that I am made of steel and nothing they say could ever hurt me.

But it does.

And as I cry behind closed doors I feel the knives in my back drive in deeper and the pain in my chest expands.

I know that I can't live like this forever.

Yet the sight of you is enough to change my mind.