Pretending to know,
Pretending to be one of them...

One of the group,
Belonging to a people,
Yet no matter what,
Somehow,
I end up on the outside...

Expected to know so much,
Yet knowing so little,
So naive, so foolish,
Feeling little connection,
Yet so strong.

Being on the outside all my life,
Wanting to find a place I belong,
Yet when I think I find it,
I am cast out,
Thrown from all I then know,
And tossed to yet another empty road,
Eventually picked up out of pity,
Or drifting to people after the loneliness is unbearable.

The bonds once so strong,
Yet faded so easily,
On one end;
Never mine...

So desperately I hold on,
Trying to come back,
Yet, they never want me back...

Once an outcast,
Always an outcast,
Once a reject of society,
Always a reject of society.

Never again will they talk to me;
Not unless it is to turn me away,
Never again will they see me over;
Not unless they are so desperate,
So needing for company,
And all else turn away but I...

So long I have tried to find my place,
Yet never have I truly fit anywhere...
Will I ever be at rest?
No, I suppose not,
Considering that none stay for long,
No matter how long I've known them,
No matter if I give them gifts,
No matter if I try to talk to them,
No matter if I try to be the person they want me to be...
Because no matter how much I try,
I can never be that person they want me to be,
Or even me...

- Jay M
April 1st, 2019