My head tilted back like I was Tasting raindrops But what fell to my mouth was you Cradling my jaw in your hands Steady As if I were a porcelain doll you might drop It felt like goodbye Because it was And now I am afraid to turn corners Locked in a haunted house What will drop from the ceiling Grab my leg What will scare me back into submission Besides you mounting someone outside Which is perhaps The most disturbing of all How you wanted me until suddenly You didn't And how I didn't believe you And how you fed me excuses like pacifiers Quieting. Comforting. Soothing. But I spit those out Realizing their purpose was to Quiet me into letting you go without a fight But I took out my fists and fought like hell You held them and pleaded with me to put my guns away Surrender my weapons And let you go in peace This was all for you. It was easier For you And only you But what about me. Grabbing at every part of myself Pulling hair from my head and scratching flesh from my bones Slowly and painfully pulling myself apart Abandoning parts of me in gutters and streams out windows and in ditches I can't be myself anymore Every inch of my flesh has your name written on it Scratched in a pen using your own blood as ink You sacrificed for me And I for you And we sat on a rock and smelled ocean and let the water spray our faces until we were sticky and wet and still we sung. We had songs Some silent, but I could hear the music when there was none. I still do. I can't look up down left or right without some yellow light telling me to Slow down to a stop and take caution, for a reminder is coming hard and fast your way. Airbags go *****-slapping me in the face for being stupid For having been smart and throwing my morals to the wind I'd like to regret you But I don't I'd like to hate you But I can't This makes me weak yes I know this But I gave you all the parts of me that were strong And mere visions of you take the wind from my lungs and you use them to set your sails You're a deep sea diver.Β Β Swimming. Living. Lying. And I drown here. You told me once that when I jump from a plane The moment my parachute refuses to open You'd be there carrying me to the ground I won't let you fall, you said.