Hundreds of people surround me.
Hundreds of voices going in one ear out the other.
But it feels like i'm the only one here,
and the only voice is in my head.
My voice muffled, hands shaking, and heart racing.

My loneliness isn't just hunger for an emotional attachment,
it is the psychological equivalent of malnutrition.
I am starved, disintegrating, nails snapping, fingers and toes turning pallid purple as the circulation shuts off, the stattacco heartbeats.
Every fiber of my being, every cell, is craving,
but it is not a hunger that can be filled with a big meal.
It is perhaps the worst physical pain I have known.
It exhausts you.
It feels like you have swallowed hot coals.
The nausea is so intense it blurs your vision.
Your organs scream, flounder, reject.
They act as if they have been poisoned.
If you try to refill yourself too fast,
it destroys you,
and you cannot cope.
You must drip feed yourself company.
Self inflicted loneliness,
like self inflicted malnutrition has its own emotional complexity.