I woke up late again.
My body couldn't seem
to differentiate between
the am and pm.
What with the rain pouring
and the grey sky peeked
between my fading
yellow curtains. Weak.
I feel weak unlike
when you're here.
I love it when we talk
because it's just sheer
happiness.

I'm sorry if I seem so clingy but ever since you came into my life, I seem to have so much energy. Like all of a sudden I have a motivation to get out of bed before the sun rises and I want to tackle so many tasks and get my day going. That talking to you was like consuming energy pills and all I do is have this stupid smile on my face that I can't seem to hide and I laugh so much, it keeps bubbling out of me. That I just want to keep talking to you because I've spent so many months feeling numb and all I see is grey and all I hear is white noise. But you showed me what it's like to live again. To see a clear road ahead and I could do anything and I actually want to do it. You make me feel alive.

But I guess I can't
have too much of you.
Like in a day, the sun
would shine for just 12 hours.
Can't get too comfortable
cause (like now) you'll leave.
And I have to be able
to once again, live.
This time without you.
At least I've taken
my baby steps you've
generously shown
how to do it. Though I'm hurting.

It's hard to try when you're not there. I've gotten so addicted to your presence cheering me on cause now that you're not here, I feel like my tank of motivation is near empty. That I don't have the urge to get up anymore. What use is it, if you're not there to share all my accomplishments with? I feel like a fool. A fool waiting for a star to cross the sky to let me know you've missed me the way I've missed you. But it's pretty clear that I'm the only one who feels so strongly here. You've done your job and gave me a taste of your medicine so now you're treating other people. I'm not numb anymore though. No. I keep feeling things lately. I feel a pang of pain in my chest because I miss hearing your voice and how you could make me laugh like no other. That we speak in the same language and I feel like our soul and mind are intertwined. The rush of excitement I feel when I see a message but it deflates when it isn't you. How everything I see or hear reminds me of you and I want to talk to you about it but you wouldn't answer me back. I'm slowly giving up on trying to talk to you. Now I'm just here waiting for love through a screen.

-m.b