My lungs breathe in the air and breathe it out just fine
And yet I don’t understand why I am dying.
I hear people say I think too much.
Maybe it really is my thoughts
That is choking not my lungs but my mind.
But I still don’t understand why,
Why would my thoughts intoxicate me?
Leave me to rot and suffer as I wait
For my slow and never-ending fate!
Every second of my existence that passes by
I feel not just alone but lost in my own mind
No, don’t ask me to talk about it
Cuz I’ve got trust issues and I’m scared,
I’m scared of what this slow death is doing with me
Making me comfortable with the chaos hidden inside
It wants me to push everyone away,
For it wants to have me all for itself
And that is not what scares me the most,
It is a part of my own that wants to surrender.
Maybe surrendering to it is my only way out.
I am tired of listening to my thoughts,
Reminding me of everything I’ve lost,
Reminding me that I am all alone
And tell me over and over again
That embracing the chaos that lives in me
Is my last shot to survive this storm.
I am drawn towards things that cut and burn
And with the storm raging inside,
I’m not sure if I have a lot of time.
I am fighting every day,
Choking on my own breath every second
But I may also give up any minute
And maybe when my ashes are finally scattered away,
I’ll not be a hostage in my body anymore
For I’ll find my freedom,
I’ll find my solace!

Karishma Yadav