Today I imagined my death.
Not my actual death,
but the events leading up to it
imagined what it would be like to see the
inevitable as a tangible ending

I imagined the people who I hoped
would come to see me
What would they say?
Would they be sad. Angry.
Would they try to hide their pain?
I wrote out what I would tell them all,
the people I love
The list grew past where I could keep track.

I imagined what I would feel.
Scared. sad.
lonely

In my imaginings, the fear of death
brought with it
depression, a

numbness


Except that I realized I'd been a fool
You don't mourn someone while they are alive
I had already counted myself within those gone,
but there I was still breathing

And when I awoke from this imagining
I believed again in the faith of being happy
before sad
Why would you want to be sad now
when it will undoubtedly find you later

Let sadness take its turn when it will
Allow the happiness you know exists
to breath while it can