I miss the buzz of staying up late
not being lonely
but unable to drift off to anything other than thoughts of you
when I woke up with a smile on hectic days
of 8AM classes and long work shifts
enough to know I'd get ten minutes in your company
hiding within your confidence
I miss knowing what it was like to be treasured
getting home late after hours on the couch
learning every ounce of you
captured in my memories
I've never smiled so much
as I did in those photos
where everywhere was ours
before custody battles for secret places
I consciously avoid
attitudes that I know are long forgotten
will I ever hold something tangible again?
instead of coffee thoughts with no one to share them with
breakfast in a corner booth, lunch and dinner too
in bed at a reasonable time
wasting hours on my phone
no new notifications, not from you
not from anyone
I'll just keep on scrolling
looking at new suggestions never willing to admit to desperation through the act of a leftward swipe.