my lonely night.
my silent night,
more noise than one hundred jet engines
swirling round my brain.
it is laughs i cannot cause,
it is songs i must sing alone,
it is a voice i love so much whispering to someone else.
each friday night i lie alone
in a bed of memories i crafted with care.
each tear i have shed drowning me over, and over, and over.
sounds of joy resonate in an empty eardrum.
sounds of joy impatiently waited for
and preferred without
me.
that's the time craved,
the time loved,
the time stroked and smoothed until a bitter shred of routine remains and my impact is
nothing.

there is no point in pretending like my nights were the best.
i know you longed for me to leave.
and you let me come on the most poisonous night
i have ever had.
if it wasn't on purpose, it was a lucky coincidence.
i haven't asked since.
it's gotten too late for me to belong with you.
i need to sleep now.