i’d rather think about all the ways your smile curls than the fact that we don’t talk anymore.

it’s not healthy, i know. i know i fell into the roses and ignored the thorns but it felt good. it felt good to love you.

let’s look past this. i want to say so many things to you that i will never have the courage to.

the voices in my head like to scream your name when they think i’m not listening. it’s okay, at least i know that one of those screams is yours.

you ran when i told you i cried. you told me i needed something to feel better. something like 50 mg, or 200 mg, or actually, you might need 500 mg. you didn’t want to see me sad so you flooded my mailbox with happy pills.

i feel dizzy and i feel your nails digging underneath my skin. ouch, i say. stop complaining, you reply. this way you won’t want to hurt yourself again. you’re right. i’ll never hurt myself like you did. i tried to gather the strength but it made me feel sick.

let me crawl across your skin just like you did mine. i only ate 350 calories today, i promise. my body is a wasteland for you.