And so...
moreover- there came a time I thought
we should talk
But lessons in love,
are the lessons
it seems we're not told
or taught.

They're learned in time,
and the pain does lose its sting,
Well...
that depends.

I heard there was an interest;
On her part,
But that was quite some time ago.
Shorty after,
There was another interest.
I still haven't met him face to face.
But in that time I have truly met you.

There's something about timing,
How I can't get it right-
Now I'm tired.

Tired of dropping you off,
Saying goodnight, while not being able to say,
what's true on my mind.
Tired of waiting for break ups.

It probably won't happen and I'd be better off to just grow a pair.
Honesty...?
Well honestly-
I have thought about us.
I've thought about talking,
That's when I get stuck.
You don't bring him up.
Why won't she tell me?
Are you two in love?

Last time...
The only time-
You said you were, "unsure."
And I don't ever trust my interpretations.

So,
I hold on to hope.
Hope that there's strain;
A tension you face.
Relational strife of the misguided type,
The kind that you'll question-
Is this relationship right?

What a horrible hope.
I know.
It makes me a ****.
What a tragically sinful idolatry slip.
But that's just me; always taking the throne.
It's not bad I don't like being or feeling alone.
Nor do I think it's good.

I would rather be confident, trustworthy and true.
Secure in real meaning, not "what if’s" of you.

Because without that,
Would I even be a good fit?
Doubtful.
I know you can't complete me;
I'd be sad to even think, or try.
But still...
I wonder how it would feel,
to sit across the table
on a real
date.
To share nibbles and bites from the meals on our plates-
reaching across- "do you want a taste?"
Hand me a fork with a morsel on end;
if I found it unpleasant, still, I'd pretend.
"Ummm that's good!"
Smile, and hand back your fork.
Then look in the eyes of someone,
who I trust
is my friend.

I guess I care.
I wish I'd dare to fill you in on that truth.
To not be so scared of these problems with youth.

All being said,
I'm left with attempts to let go.
To just move on,
and be content with the fact;
These lessons play the long game.
There's no instant glory, or spontaneous fleet,
And victory comes when we're knocked off of our feet.

So I've learned to take loss as a tally marked win.
Poor judgement call?
Maybe.
I'll find out in the end.

For now,
Let's keep talking.
I'll make prayerful pursuits.
And hope He sees fit...
To pair me with you.