in a hundred thousand lifetimes,
no one could feel how i felt for you.
even i never thought i could adore one so imperfect-
yet so full of heavenly glow.

it was a time long ago,
when sunlight ruled over my world.
the land was a bright shade of luminous gold,
and your heart spread my joy across our town.

you kissed me the way you kissed everyone,
passionless, desperate, ravenous.
a girl who adored you had her heart broken
for your revenge upon a friend.

we never spoke of that day.
you never looked me straight in the eye.
you forced me to watch you flirt with every single girl,
each one stinging a shred more than the last.

and then we hit a crescendo,
it stacked up before my eyes.
as my stomach hurt more every passing second,
you hurt me. you ruined me.

humiliation.
degradation.
suicide and lost hope.
my love poured out slowly from my broken skin.

i always get you back.
for more time now than we were on pause last year.
every day i feel you slip gently from my fingertips.
no one knows quite how much damage you caused.

pain is temporary,
i can say that with certainty.
hate lasts too little time to bother me.
loving you is permanent, no matter the pain.