it took years for me to heal
years to see even a year into the future
but today i wrote my old ways a letter

it feels strange not being sick
my illness was what made me, well me
she’s toxic, but addicting

i miss having someone to talk to
i miss her like i miss an old friend
mon vieil ami

but lately i can feel her presence
i can hear her faint whisper
keeping me hostage

she’s all i know
so i don’t mind her visiting
or making her permanent in my life