i didn't want her to hold me
because i knew what it meant.
she saw me crying and she wanted to hold me,
i couldn't wrap my arms around her.
by her embrace,
i knew it meant that she saw me falling apart and she was trying to hold me together,
to make feel better.
but i felt nothing but this ocean of sadness.
i didn't want her to hold me,
i wanted to tell her to let go but i couldn't even open my mouth.
i am far beyond repair.
i couldn't feel her touch.
oh how badly i wanted to breakdown in her arms,
fall down from my shaky knees,
and
cry.
oh how badly i just wanted to cry.
but i didn't.
i walked until she let go of me.
as we were about to part ways,
i looked up at her
with tear filled eyes and said goodbye.