Sometimes I get sad.
Like sad sad.
To the point where it feels like a blanket of darkness is surrounding me.
Like a black hole of sadness
and happiness can’t get in.
And a life without happiness?
It’s suicide.
It’s almost like my own hands are strangling me.
Do you know how it feels to be suffocated?
To feel your soul slowly ooze out of your pores?
To have your life force ripped piece by piece from your heart?
Dear God or whoever you believe in,
I hope you never do.

Sometimes I get down.
Like down in the dumps.
To the point where it feels like happiness is a foreign concept.
Like the idea of physics.
Difficult and hard to understand
Especially when you’re your own teacher.
Teaching myself something you never knew to begin w.
So , HOW will I catch on?
I just can’t.
I can’t grasp the idea euphoria, happiness or physics.
No matter how hard I try.
And maybe that’s what I get.
Call it bad karma or bad luck ,
Whatever shoe fits just make someone else wears it
And not me.
Or maybe it’s because I was never taught how to be happy
and how to love myself.

Sometimes I get depressed.
Like depressed all of the time actually.
25/8.
There’s never a ‘happy’ moment.
Not for long.
Not ever .
I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t depressed.
Maybe when I was a kid.
Back when life was a walk in the park
And all I had to worry about was..
Whatever kids worry about I guess.
I can’t remember what that would be.
All I know is that kids have this innocence,
This happiness,
This light.
But, I never had that.
Not even for a minute.
Like a 24 hour clock of depression
I’m always clocked in.