I found my solace today
In the green grey
Of the rainy day outside.

I lost the feeling in my fingers
This early afternoon,
I lost my breath
In the steam of the ratatouille
In the shining ***
As I stirred it.

“When you’re not feeling good,
You have to treat yourself
Like a baby.
Did you eat? Did you sleep? Did you drink water?”

The problem runs deeper than that.

The problem is I still smile at strangers
Even though what’s going on inside me
Is terrifying.
The problem is,
I had to tell a very polite detective
What my high school sweetheart did to me,
And I can’t stop feeling his hands,
His mouth,
His breath,
God,
His breath.
His *****,
On my body.

But I found solace in the rain today,
I found solace in an orange tabby
On my lap,
Content to sit there
And purr.

Somehow I will conquer this.