i used to know exactly what i wanted in life
it changed several times
but i still always spoke
confidently
so sure
undoubting
that my plans would become reality
that no matter how many times the ideas slightly changed
i was still sure of every slight change
i was just making adjustments
i was just fine tuning my plan
i always had answers
“what do you want to do?”
“what do you want to be?”
“where do you want to be in 10 years?”
“do you plan on kids?”
“do you know where you want to live?”
“who you want to be with?”
i never really doubted myself when i spoke
i never really used the phrase “i don’t know”
not that i didn’t like it or that i was scared of not knowing
but because through the years i was so sure that i knew what i wanted
i was so proud of my plans
but plans change
now i’m not always sure what i want to do
what i want to be
i have some ideas
but none seem concrete
now replying “i don’t know”
has become second nature
and not knowing?
it is the most freeing feeling