i’m fine

my body feels like a hollow doll
being controlled by puppet strings

i’m fine

my stomach is constantly churning from guilt
from sadness
from the emptiness i feel

but really i’m fine

everyday
my smile feels more like a mask i wear
to make it through the day

i’m fine

as i walk
i have to blink more often
because the wind might break the floodgates in my eyes

i’m sure i’m fine

i convince myself that what i’m feeling will go away
that my problems aren’t big enough to bother anyone with

i said i’m fine

i poke fun
make cynical jokes
hoping someone will realize i’m lying
but i think i have gotten too good at pretending

i’m not fine