Aug 2018
A/n: a poem about the last day of my junior year
So... It happened on the last day of school
Me and my mom were going to Starbucks before school.
I was so excited to drink coffee and say my summer good-byes
Then my excitement came crashing down
And I was given a nice fat serving of sadness
My mom first lectured to me about not getting in the car when it was locked.
Then when I get in the car she continues to yell.
Yell
Yell
Yell
That's all she seems to do anymore
Then she yells about how I care for nothing not even myself and my appearance
she then said and I quote
"Well, it's about time someone told you, you look like a homeless person, and you smell even worse than one!"
We get our coffee in
Cold
Isolating
Crushing
Depressing silence.
When ILT rolled around I threw my lunch away went to the bathroom sat in the corner of a stall and cried...
I don't know why
, I cried it's just that having your mother... Basically, call you ugly...
Something you believed since you turned 13... It... It just broke my heart...
And shattered what little confidence I had left ...
And I desperately try to pick up the tiny fragments
Of my self-esteem
And each day that passes
Seems just a bit brighter as another shard fits into place
But then one venomous word or thought
Sends the pieces back to the floor
Poisoning my mind until I'm back where I belong
In the corner my eyes leaking tiny raindrops
Well..
I'm sorry mom
but It's so ******* hard to care
when you've had the confidence, and joy emotionally beaten out of you
by people you thought cared
people you talk to
people you thought were supposed to protect you, but no!
All they do is drag you down into the depths of your own self-loathing
I've lost all ability to care about **** like hygiene and personal appearanc
especially when the joy in looking my best has been ****** out of me like a juice box...
So I watch anime and game desperately hoping to feel happiness again
but all I feel is emptiness and self hatred...
I try
And try
And try
To care about myself
But my happy caring self
Is in heavy iron chains
Of self hatred
And a new chain is added
With each
Venomous
Angry
Statement that echoes in my hollow head
So I just want to say
I'm F.I.N.E
Fearful
Insecure
Nervous
Emotional
Someday I hope I can be truly fine
Not F.I.N.E
So... It happened on the last day of school
Me and my mom were going to Starbucks before school.
I was so excited to drink coffee and say my summer good-byes
Then my excitement came crashing down
And I was given a nice fat serving of sadness
My mom first lectured to me about not getting in the car when it was locked.
Then when I get in the car she continues to yell.
Yell
Yell
Yell
That's all she seems to do anymore
Then she yells about how I care for nothing not even myself and my appearance
she then said and I quote
"Well, it's about time someone told you, you look like a homeless person, and you smell even worse than one!"
We get our coffee in
Cold
Isolating
Crushing
Depressing silence.
When ILT rolled around I threw my lunch away went to the bathroom sat in the corner of a stall and cried...
I don't know why
, I cried it's just that having your mother... Basically, call you ugly...
Something you believed since you turned 13... It... It just broke my heart...
And shattered what little confidence I had left ...
And I desperately try to pick up the tiny fragments
Of my self-esteem
And each day that passes
Seems just a bit brighter as another shard fits into place
But then one venomous word or thought
Sends the pieces back to the floor
Poisoning my mind until I'm back where I belong
In the corner my eyes leaking tiny raindrops
Well..
I'm sorry mom
but It's so ******* hard to care
when you've had the confidence, and joy emotionally beaten out of you
by people you thought cared
people you talk to
people you thought were supposed to protect you, but no!
All they do is drag you down into the depths of your own self-loathing
I've lost all ability to care about **** like hygiene and personal appearanc
especially when the joy in looking my best has been ****** out of me like a juice box...
So I watch anime and game desperately hoping to feel happiness again
but all I feel is emptiness and self hatred...
I try
And try
And try
To care about myself
But my happy caring self
Is in heavy iron chains
Of self hatred
And a new chain is added
With each
Venomous
Angry
Statement that echoes in my hollow head
So I just want to say
I'm F.I.N.E
Fearful
Insecure
Nervous
Emotional
Someday I hope I can be truly fine
Not F.I.N.E
