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Aug 2018
There are days when my limbs don't cooperate when I tell them to move and leave the bed.
My pillow seems to be made of quicksand slowly swallowing up my head.
My mood is nothing; I'm not happy, I'm not sad.
But the day certainly isn't starting well, it's actually quite bad.
There are thoughts inside my head that I'm trying not to think.
I don't want to face my lover's problems or his propensity to drink.
If I did, I would have to let go of a dream I've just begun to dream.
And then I would have to admit begrudgingly that things aren't what they seem.
All I want is to be happy and to have someone in my life.
Someone who cares enough for me to one day make me their wife.
You would think that wouldn't be too much to ask but it keeps eluding me.
I'm beginning to think the happy ending I've been dreaming of just isn't meant to be.
I've dealt with all the horrors that have been thrown my way.
All in the hope that love would find me and things would get easier someday.
Maybe I would find someone who could share the responsibilities and the strain.
But so far all I've found are those determined to cause me even more pain.
I keep trying to find that one to sweep me off my feet.
But each time they hand me the broom the second that we meet.
I'm tired of being the breadwinner, the one to always provide.
When will I be the one taken care of instead of taken for a ride?
I'm getting tired of being let down, I'm just about ready to quit.
Because each man is worse than the last and my heart can't take anymore of this ****.
It's been picked up and put back together, only to be thrown back on the floor.
But a lack of self worth and insecurity keeps me going back for more.
It's been stomped on, cursed at, sliced up and burned.
And a jaded, untrusting woman is what all this abuse has spurned.
No wonder my body doesn't want to rise to meet another day.
It knows all too well what hurdles will be standing in its way.
I wish I could be more optimistic and force myself to move.
But I'm starting to give up on love and life, they have a lot to prove.
They've disappointed me so far time and time again.
Everyone says not to give up, but the question I have is WHEN?
Leisa Battaglia
Written by
Leisa Battaglia  44/F/Louisiana
     H, Elena, Edmund black, ---, --- and 2 others
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