I watch from the outside
because I cannot seem to move
towards smiling faces, laughing.
I stand here with something to prove.
A poetry reading, a crowded pub,
even just a trip to the local store
are mountains that stand before me,
over which I achingly long to soar.
Home has beccome my sanctuary,
imprisoning me in my shell.
Alone I find my inner peace,
alone I find my inner hell.
This duality is laughable,
paradoxically holding me in stasis.
I have the ability to act
but my potential is simply wasted.
At their mere thought of people,
I sweat profusely, my heart pounds
and no matter what I do
I cannot seem to calm myself down.
What am I supposed to do?
How do I change what I feel?
How can I convince myself
that the fears I have are not real?