She was very sick that I knew
Being 12 caught between boyhood and manhood
did not make me blind.

They cut my hair off tonight honey.
It's ok mom you are still
the most beautiful lady  in the world.

You are such a charmer honey
The girls are going to love you.
I only want you to love me mom
Only you.

Everyone noticed I could not sleep anymore
Want to talk about anything?
the school nurse said.
No ma'am I said.

Then the nightmares
The tree huge and everlasting tree
outside my bedroom window.
It walked when I fell asleep.
It's fingers like twigs
pulled me from my bed
It lifted me to its roaring mouth.
Fires glowed within its fearsome eyes.

I am not afraid I said.
But I just don't know
how much I was afraid.
You are going to tell me
your deepest fears it roared.

But still I kept silent
not showing him anything.
No fear.nothing.

Mom I need to sleep with you
I take her the meds.
Just for five minutes honey.
I feel so sick sweetie.

Your Ok mom
You will get better.
Your hair will.
Grow back again.

Call your dad He's in L.A
I know with the sister I never met.
And the lady I dont want to know.
Shhhssssss it's OK.

Then he came again
made of roots and leaves and twigs.
He picked me up like a Bird in the next.

Tell me your truth. he roared
I have none I wailed.
But I did.....I did..I did .....I did

Grandma called by
she was as cold as ice.
Some things never change.
You need to come to my place she said
No grandma,I need to be here with mom.
She in the hospice
you are coming with me.
We Got there it was full of China figurines
I am going to the hospital
don't touch anything she said sternly.

But the tree monster came again
I was so angry smashed all of grandma's stuff.
Wheb she arrived back home the place is wrecked
She does not give me the licking I deserved.
Instead I heard her weeping on her bed.

The monster came again that night
It's time for your pain
tell me it said.
I don't have pain, I lied
Tell me or you will be crushed
by my limbs it threatened.

I....I.....I want to tell her to let go
But that's my fear
It would be my fault you see.
What do I do?
You tell the truth the monster said
Only the truth.

I got back to grandma's place.
I looked at her
She kind of looked like mom.....But older
I just got a call from the hospice she said
We have to hurry
We got to go there?
At the railroad tracks
we were stopped.
By a long freight train

Grandma said
We are very different people, you and me.
I said,
I know grandma
But we are going to have to get along
I said
I know grandma.
She said of course you do.

We got to the hospital
The nurse was solunm
Go right in, its OK.

She was dying I knew it.
Mom held my hand
I felt the monster behind me.
It whispered in my ear
I am here with you.
What do I do?
I said.
Tell the truth of all the ages
since time began.
The one that comes
from the inside of your heart.

I squoze Moms hand tight
I said
It's OK mom.
It's OK to go.
I will be ok.
I promise.
A giant heavy weight fell from my heart
I was truthful finaly.

I remember the last movement
of my mother hand
It faded away softly
Unlike my memories of her love.

But when we got back to grandma's place.
I cried and grandma held me to her breast.
I said I am so sorry grandma
For breaking your stuff.

She pulled me closer
I know honey.
It doesn't matter.
Yo are all that matters now.
I love you honey.
I said softly
I love you too grandma.