When I try to watch the news my sadness sets in ..When I look across
the yard sometimes in the evening the same thing happens .. I've cried myself to sleep several times over the last two weeks .. When I put a plate of food in front of me I start thinking about dead animals ..
I'm still getting the sensation of falling or being electrocuted .. I'm beginning to see objects at the window once again .. When I listen to music sometimes the sadness is unbearable .. Music is all I have so this is quite painful .. I've 'caught myself ' staring into nothing in whatever room I'm in ... Mary Ellen and I have gone out to eat several times over the last few weeks .. She's caught me ' zoned out' ..
She stared into my eyes an brought me back into the moment ..
I'm beginning to feel like no medicine in the world is going to help me ... I had some pain meds from my gall bladder surgery four weeks ago .. I contemplated taking all of them at once just to see if I could stop the 'machine' ..