father's day means nothing to me
other than a time to sit in my room
and search my brain for at least one good memory
i have had with my father.

father,
you are the reason for my battle scars.
you are the reason for my self-loathing.
you are the reason for my childhood trauma.
the reason why i cannot trust anyone in my life.
the reason why i flinch when any male touches me.
the reason why i fear saying, "no," to any man.

you are the reason and the root
for every single problem i have.
but you would never and will never
acknowledge this
for you are far too conceited
to realize you are capable of wrongdoing.

you're the reason i want to say goodbye.

but happy father's day, i guess.