Look how willing I am.
Willing as the body, because my spirit is willing.
Look how I can do it all on my own,
How I get up on my own legs.
Yes, I am: I am willing.
I start believing it myself, finally.
I am so willing that I forget about my joy in front of yours,
That I can bear, bear, bear
An empty existence if yours is full.
I am so willing that I've started smoking,
So willing that you didn't notice my inner scream
While I was smiling in my yellow blazer at the party,
Lying, pretending, playing the part of the old lover
Who forgets about the past.
Yes, I am willing.
But what have I won by being willing?
Dignity? Honour?
Dignity, honour, they don't warm my cheeks in red,
They can't get inside my eyes.
I wish I were weak,
Give up and be instinctive and selfish,
Go back and never, never, never let you go.
I stole you with shaking hands,
I returned you with tears in my eyes,
The head towards what was right and a heart in chains.
And I know you were the happiest when you got back home.