It was a couple of years ago I had an experience I couldn't explain but wouldn't deny. It was almost like a daydream that took me back to the age of five. I saw how I was pushed into society before I had developed the wings to fly. To survive I had to split my soul into two to create a false personality of mine. Ever since, the 10% I was suppose to give as tide has been occupied by the hatching seeds in the left side of my thin mind. The experience brought me back to where I lied. I couldnt move and my heart was racing It felt like I was going to die. At the end of what felt like a paralyzed panic attack I had a strange tingle in the lowest part of my spine. The tingles slowly started to rise, like two angels slithering their way up all thirty three steps of Jacob's ladder to open up the seventh seal. My gateway to heaven. It was sensational. A euphoric feeling, I never felt that happy before. Everything that was holding me back, all the bad memories and all the grudges I had been holding on to, did not matter anymore. I started to think freely and act accordingly. I worked less and wrote more because money was not a priority. The value of life became clear to me. There I was, reborn with Christ oil.
I dwelt in that right hemisphere of my brain for three and a half months before I got thrown out of paradise for questioning myself again. Of course I tried to force my way back but drugs only gives you a temporary pass. Besides I can't let go of the lifestyle of the genie in my genes that likes to buy expensive jeans. It's genius how they deceive us, or I'm just seriously delirious and my psychological awareness is just as meaningless as my nihilistic periods. Who is really the genie; us?
I use religious ideology sometimes to explain my feelings.