I go to sleep alone in my empty bed again. If cuddling kills depression then why don't I have someone to cuddle? Everyone says it's cuz I'm not marriage material; hell my mom even told me that. I don't want to sleep alone anymore! I want to cuddle and I want to **** my depression, but sadly I do not see an end to my misery. I'tll always be just being me at night; and the occasional stray that gets to stay the night because I needed to play, never anything permanent and that darkens my heart. I have my children and my parents and everything I could ever want or need except someone to cuddle. My empty arms never being able to wrap around someone, the same someone every day and night. I feel like an empty shell. "You're so beautiful why are you single?", they say. My response is, "I don't know nobody wants to keep me I guess!". I'm meant just to throw away. The luckiest person on the planet and I believe the price I pay for that luck is lack of love. Two men two men have my heart and neither of them want me except for just a ****. What is my worth in this life? Where is my joy? Am I doing enough? How can I do more? I just don't even know anymore; the worst part is, I'm starting to not care, I mostly don't care, I think I'm done caring! My heart is just not there!