Every morning I get on the "crazy bus".
Its destination?   Nowhere.

Yet, I continue to get on board.

My body and my spirit bruised from the bumps on the road it travels.
It takes the most treacherous route.
A journey I can not navigate.

The bus is large. It carries many passengers. Some I recognize and know well but others are strangers to me.

This bus doesn't run on gasoline or diesel-it is fueled by alcohol. The bus almost always has a full tank.

Some days I vow to just let the bus pass me by....
But, I see you hanging from it's window, beckoning me, calling to me, hollering for me not to let you ride the bus alone.

"Don't you love me enough to take the ride with me?"

You're afraid, You're lonely, You're sorry so I climb aboard and it's packed. It's standing room only so I'm left to hang on by a mere strap.

A strap that once was very strong and thick but now has become frayed and quite thin. When I have the courage to examine it closely I can see it's about to give and break. The seams have all but come apart. I know with certainty it will not be able to take too much more pressure until it pulls away completely.

I am hanging on for dear life.


Looking around I recognize some of the passengers.
Your mom is there.
Your dad is there.
Linda, Donna, Elizabeth, Kirk, Tom, Andrea, Emerito are all there but its the ones I don't know that I fear the most.

I have no idea who they are or how they got on the bus but I am frightened by them.
They pack the front aisles so tight that it makes getting off the bus **** near impossible.
They may scare me but you know them all too well.  
They are dark thoughts, insecurities, past hurts and jealousies. They are your companions and just like me they ride the bus with you.

Lately, I have been examining myself, reflecting on my bruises and my scars. Black & Blue.
My mind is BLACK from trying desperately to block out the hurtful things you say and do. My heart is BLUE from trying so hard to love you through your pain.

I'm getting off the bus.
There is an emergency exit at the back that I've chosen to ignore.  I'm going to try with all my strength to push through and land on solid ground.

I don't know what stop is yours....I can only hope that you get off safely before the bus crashes.