i've just realized i am a little too hungry for the world's delicious hidden things to sit here idly still waiting upon those who watch over me to figure out i'm not a figurine to handle with care and twirl on pedestals for the eyes of family friends as though accomplishments are only made of paper and years' hardships and "look, dear, she did it!"s that only bring bile to my lips not proud smiles like i plaster as though i'm only yours, nothing more
can you feel the furnace in my roots lapping at the scraps of solitude and fanciful imaginings that i throw to sate the beast begging for death of your dominion over my wellbeing i don't want to be safe right now, love i want to feel the rain on my face and have permanence taper until all that's left of me is lived experience, no paper trails and accolades that gather dust and wither.
so much to do and then regret later, until i'm past regret at age 87 with tattoos up my thighs and lots of fun stories about lived experience to tell.