I use to wonder if there's actually a hell and if there is... what if I'm already there?

I wonder what I did in a past life that got me to be shackled to nothing but pain and misery. What did I do that was so bad that to this day I can't walk across the street without every fiber of my body wanting to get smashed into a million meaty pieces? Maybe I'm just a broken watch that nobody ever bothered to fix and for them, time advanced but for me, I became trapped in purgatory. Except, this purgatory is located in my head. The portal is locked and the key is happiness.

I use to wonder if there's actually a hell and if there is what if I'm already there;
The only difference is that I never had to die to locate it.