i feel,
apathetic right now
i feel,
emotionless right now
and it's scary. it's scary to feel, nothing,

i tried to preserve my innocence as much as possible,
but, in what i've seen, throughout childhood, my innocence was like
gutted and killed.
and that also is pretty scary
cuz i feel like
along with innocence, things go hand in hand, like
happiness, and love
and i think moments of love don't last forever but,
nothing lasts forever.
but in the moment, love and sharing it really,
it puts you in a place like,
kinda like another dimension where,
you and this other person can,
let loose and do anything.
i like,
text this girl
and uhm,
it's scary to say the least,
cuz i don't want to admit that i depend on her, but i do
and depending on someone is scary because they might not depend on you so you just,
are stuck, waiting for this person to call back, when they have other people in their life. and i'm really antisocial, so i don't have many people.
and like,

i just feel scared for my future.

it's really messed up cuz you get so lost in someone.
that the only way to get out is to just,
delete them.
because you can't really delete people from real life.
i mean you could,
and it's ******* horrible.