So here I am again, I don’t know why it won’t stop. I don’t know why I am the way I am. I can’t communicate with others because I fear them. My deepest thoughts would make someone go crazy. I can’t open up to my husband because I’m ashamed of the way I feel everyday. I’m a big failure, and it’s eating me up inside. It’s starting to take a toll on me and I’m letting it. What can i do ? I can’t even help myself, how can I expect someone else to do it for me. I’m not even trying. I don’t think this life was meant for me. I thought I was strong enough. I’m failing you mama. I know how much you love me, how much you care and want me to succeed and i truly wanna make you happy. But seriously this life is not for me. I’m a disgrace. I cry myself to sleep almost every night. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m drowning. I am literally in the middle of the ocean, not even trying to find a way because it would be pointless. I’m ******* in chains on both feet and I’m sinking. I’m alone, all alone. I’m sorry but the only way for me to live is to die. That almost sounds like a suicidal note but believe me it’s not. There’s no way out of it. I’m choosing to end it so it could start. I wasn’t meant for this and you knew it mama!