i'm stuck in a constant loop.
i'll be feeling good and holding friendships
together and the sun would be constantly
shining on my face.
and then something would happen.
it may not even be a big something. just a word
or a remark at the wrong place and the wrong time
and i snap.
the sun is no longer warming my face. i isolate
myself from those i care about and the feeling
of warmth in my chest suddenly turns to stone.

i've busted the skin on my thighs now.
i'm back to square one.

nothing that i've been told helps, does what
it's supposed to do.
counter methods never work and now
i've restarted the loop with torn thighs
and the feeling of stone in my chest.