i find no comfort here in the four walls i’ve always called home

home is where the heart is but mine’s long gone

my heart throbbed until my chest couldn’t take it
and it tore itself in half to quiet its beat
my heart is not whole anymore
this is not home anymore
and i wish it was possible to leave

leave the locked doors
the closed blinds
the sealed windows

leave the darkness that consumes me
and you
and the secrets we’ve kept since we learned to speak

i’d love to leave it all behind me

walk out the door
open the blinds
feel the wind rush through the windows
allow the sun to touch my skin and see me, feel me
the real me

but where would i go, i have no home

so instead i stay

stay locked up
stay closed
stay sealed

instead i stay and don’t take care of me,

inside these four walls
i’ve let my heart quiet
so not even i can hear its beat