And maybe it hasn't hit me yet
but part of me feels like this
is all just a dream
a bad joke,
a cosmic punch line in the waiting
I'll go home tonight
and lay down in our bed
if I can even convince myself
to first leave the couch
where we last kissed
and I will pass the pile of clothes
on the floor of your side of
the bed
and it will feel like someone stole every last breath in my lungs
but I will get it together and regroup
crawling into my side of the bed
feeling tears well up in my eyes as I catch your scent lingering on the pillow
but I will quickly revert my attention to the clothes on the floor
taking comfort in their presence
as if they are saying "im coming right back for these
to put them away"
as if this morning
when you left
was any other morning
and I will wonder
how long I can leave them lying there
before the sight of them brings me to tears
so maybe it hasn't hit me yet
that so many months now stand between us
that the seasons will change
I will turn another year older
the days will get hard
the nights will be long
and you will be gone
and I know there will be days
where I fall to my knees
drowning in tears
and anxiety
and the weight of it all
and all I will want
is to call you
and I know that this is no longer a luxury
we will be given
so maybe it hasn't hit me yet
but god
help me when it does