is what i said to you then
not “i told you so”
this was not that kind of talk
not even “i told you,” really
because that’s not true
more like, “babe i promised you”

it’s a promise you don’t want
but it comes with me
it’s the price of admission
“promise me you’ll understand?”
“of course,” you say, “yes”
i wish you’d known what that meant

i didn’t really say it
it fell from the sky
little ribbons of our thoughts
which makes it hurt a bit more
i just want to speak
but today we’re too far

if we weren’t, i’d still be weak
too gun shy for words
too eager to move too fast
not understanding what you,
of all the people,
need to feel before it’s whole

but, here it is, as promised
promised i’d obsess
promised i’d be too needy
but you, too sweet, acquiesced
and i truly fear
you'll see the rot within me

and of course rot outside too
small scabs and scars, first
before long, they start to itch
fully expected,
i scratch at one, Ruby red
and it bursts the water of life

it’s not satisfying, though
another must go
and then i pick a few more
until the chair is covered
in drops of blood, sad
to be part of such a mess

i still don’t get why it’s me
but it’s nice it is
your face is hope, in a way
if the world put us together
it’s not a bad place
which reminds me to keep on