I stopped taking them
The pills
I didn’t want to rely on them
To be happy, but not too happy
Or to sleep, but not too much
And to eat the right amount.
I wanted to be able to do it by myself
Without the manipulation of my neurotransmitters
And surprisingly enough
I could
I can
I’m fine
Balanced
In a way I haven’t been in years
But I’m cautious
I lied to my psychiatrist
She doesn’t need to know
My mood could flip in an instance
I could spiral again
Loose control
And fall down the same hole I just climbed out of
So, she doesn’t need to know
I need the pills to still be there if I need them
If not for a change in my biology
But for the hope
That makes the fall bearable