you can't forgive me for things
I don't even know I did-
the blame is all mine

people have died because
of the vile things
I become when I'm sad

I, too, will to die that way
cut with things I don't remember doing
(my head aches so I know it happened)

I will collapse
under the weight
of multiplicity
I will bury myself
beneath mud and stones
no more "I", no more "us"

just myself,

the only self there should be