She needs him

And she wants him, a lot

But needing someone is neither beautiful nor romantic

It’s ******* painful

But she embraces the pain



He knows how to paint a smile on her face

Make her laugh until her stomach hurts



But what he doesn’t know is

Sometimes his words carves the pain in her chest

His silence digs a hole in her heart

And she cries her heart out at night

Whilst blaming herself

For all the mess that happened between them



She tells herself that the next day

The sun will come up

And she will eat her breakfast

And she will drink her coffee



Sadly, things sometimes don’t go as planned



She wakes up the next morning,

Again, tears rolls down her cheeks

She hates herself for being weak

She hates herself for being not good enough

She is tired of doubting whether people are coming or going

Still, she is hoping that he would stay

She would rather be hurt by him than be loved by anyone else



She keeps telling herself that she’s okay

Whilst her heart bleed continuously

She knows that she was doping herself a ****-full of lies

Yet she chooses to drown and bleed without him knowing it



She doesn’t know how to love herself

but she really does love him wholeheartedly and blindly



And even if it hurts, she would do it all again in a heart beat