I am drowning, stuck swimming in a sea of darkness.
Struggling in an abyss of despair and loneliness
How do I get out?
How long have I been stuck?


How long have I been drowning?

I can not breathe.
This depression suffocates me, controls me.
I can not answer the questions you keep asking me.
“Why can’t you act normal?”
“Why can’t you do this?”
“Why can’t you be happy?”

I don’t know.

I don’t know why I feel useless
I don’t know why I feel worthless
I don’t know why I can’t be normal
I don’t know how to be happy.

I can’t remember a time I didn’t hate myself
What is it like to look in the mirror and like what you see?
Like who you see?

I know people hate me
I know I annoy people

I am not offended

How can anyone love me,
when I can’t even tolerate myself?


I don’t blame you for leaving
I wish I could leave.


Leave this body
This life
This world

I am so tired of being here


I wish I could blow away with the wind
Float away in the sea
Disappear like the sun
On a cloudy day

I don’t want to be alive anymore
If this is even considered living


I feel dead inside
Like all my insides have shriveled up and rotted.


I am drowning,
And there is no getting out. ​