I am an expert in lying. I lie when I smile back at you. I lie when I look into your deep brown eyes. I lie to myself every day and night thinking you might want me. I am an expert in hiding. I hide my flushed cheeks every time you interrogate my eyes. I hide my racing heart every time you go to touch my skin. I hide every thought of wanting to kiss you until neither one of us can breathe. I am an expert in trying. I try to forget our secret talks about life. I try to hold myself back from saying something I shouldn't. I try to remember that we can't be together. I am an expert in running. I run to you with every thing I need. I run to you every time you call out for me. I run from everything I knew because I know you now.

I am not an expert in fighting. I don't fight for the things I want most. I don't fight my feelings inside, even when I should. I don't fight for you.

And that may be the worst in me.