sometimes i wonder if shakespeare was behind the pen that fiddled and diddled in that old church parking lot i drove by it the other day but there was no one there nobody freezing their buns off in the wake of the open door nobody trying to canoodle in the back seat that wasn't folded down nobody even thinking about pulling into that darkness. would you even do that again? i would a hundred times think. what even happened to that kid who used to write songs and play them as if he were playing in front of a hundred eyes but they were all your eyes and there wasn't a flame in existence that was brighter than they when each lit up in its own way. what even happened to the girl who showed that boy her house and the colonial colloquial drapery and carpeting wall to wall, her little sister sticking her finger into the brownie batter and protective mother who i've gotta admit was 100 percent right: stay away from the bad man with the non-leather patagonia jacket and all of his sassy ideas that got him good grades in k-8 but really started to expose his weaknesses steeped in frivolity when he got into the upper level courses and advanced placements. [a GD mile wide and an inch deep, that's what me thinks jar jar binx] stay away from the burnt out eagle scout who let his guard down and allowed your guard down both metaphorically and not sooo... but remember that coffee shop show that you never came to? strange, it feels in this moment like an aching sore thumb. i listened to joshua radin all the way home and thought christ what am i even going to do about this can this work and if it can work how can it work but if it can't work why can't it work? because lord knows this lady is easy to please when we drink. but silly,you're tough as ***** ****** nails when you need to be told no. & i aint never heard of sucha thing as a dude who's charming as hell when he's telling a gorgeous woman sum'thin she don't wanna hear; make me a pill for that and i'll sell it on The Street for days without end. [so how much supply you got when the thing aint even fda approved?] "lose yourself in what you're doing and you'll never work a day" is what they tell me while they cast me into this steel bending furnace and demand me to find a way to be cool and relax and chill the f out- been doing that on my own and there's no milky white ear to listen or a record to put it on or even a GD vocal box that feels like working unless it's singing showtunes in the car or harmonizing to justin bbr like i'm the **** 6th man in the pentatonix or however many there are. capitalistically useless thing i was born with and worked really hard at until one day it told me i don't have the capacity to scribe anymore. so i'm forever speechless like the kid who got coal for christmas last year. & you'd catch me in that backyard again with all the 15 year old girls still kinda trying to impress them but mostly you, & give my shirt away: wear it and be proud that you snubbed the bad man who passed through with the non-leather patagonia jacket in the old church parking lot.