i've forgotten
what a comforting hug
feels like

my arms are like soldiers
guarding
   protecting
     preventing
even the slightest
touch

a hardness
encircles me
unbendable
   impenetrable
solid

and

   always

      there

i can't remember
tenderness

i'm confused
when kindness is offered

this world
my world
has brought me to this place

and the fight in me
has fizzled.