i stand on the edge,
toes curled over,
urging me to step forward,
just one step,
just one,
you can do it,
believe,
step,
step...

the wind whips by me,
grabbing my hair as if trying to pull me towards it,
and i close my eyes;
if i close my eyes it doesn't seem so scary,
if i close my eyes i could just be walking down the street,
close your eyes,
eyes closed...

i don't hear anything any more.
the people in my classes,
dogs barking in backyards,
no more satellites.
i pass faces in the hallway but all they are are smudges.
it's like i'm part of this modern art piece but i don't know who the artist is.
god?
are you there?
no answer.
but maybe i'm screaming into an empty sky.

below me is the sea.
an ocean of pebbles and grass,
rolling what seems to be a mile down.
four stories can seem like a lifetime to be falling.
falling,
falling,
free-fall,
no destination,
my final destination.

from my trestle i take one last surveillance of the world i know.

my body goes limp...




then he grabs me.