An imaginary but desirable sense of control Created by the bully in my head Screaming at me, pressuring me, hurting me Encapsulating my mind as a second meninges. Impossible to separate my true thoughts From what it tells me, My conscious mind is tied to a cinder block And left to drown in its enticingly rough waves.
My physical being constantly changing with the tide Unpredictable but regular, Shallow but deep. ****** into its infinite black hole, I am left feeling disgusted and ashamed Of all that is me.
No longer am I able to decide the way in which My needs are met-if in fact they are met. As though I have DID, I am constantly bouncing From alter to alter Body to body.
Blinded from looking directly into its sun, I am warmed and comforted by its rays While reassured that my doubts are unwarranted. If ever defied, it scolds and whips me, Like a master to his slave, A father to his child.
The welts and cuts, gratefully rip into my Skin, muscle and bone – Punishment for my wrongdoings and self. I, immediately silenced Remove myself from society, Restricting contact, nourishment and emotions To nil.
It is not until someone notices The beginnings of an eternal invisibility, That I am released and Able to breathe in The salty air of life.