I thought tonight about how my mom must have looked at me when i was born, and how pure that love must've been.

Before i had the chance to make that first mistake, before i ever said "I hate you" with clenched fists & venom eyes. I thought about how my partner looked at me when we used to lie in bed, before screams, before we were engulfed in tears and chaos- and how much mutual adoration i had drowned in.

I remember catching fireflies with my baby sister and how my older sister used to read me bedtime stories when the world was so big i wondered how it didn't swallow us whole.

And these moments of beauty, the light in the darkness... The purity and kindness i have experienced. Ive been crying a lot lately & dont know why but all i wanna do is sleep.. But i wake up and turn on the beatles & try to hold on to the times when i have felt like i could fly. Because those moments keep us alive.

I want to drown in these seconds, glimpses into eternity, build a hot air balloon filled with those moments that could take me anywhere but here.