I remember when I was young
I wrote in my diary- Never to love
All in BLOCKS.
But
You were warm, And I was not
My mistake, I forgot.
You came in with a face
Of all I knew AND all I should not want.


I remember stolen breaths,
See through excuses,
The adrenaline.
I should have known better..
But
You were persistent, and so was i
Some nights, I consoled my heart
Some nights the beats would be lullabies
I dared to sleep upon.
(Some nights I consoled my heart
Some nights it was my heart's turn
To become lullabies, I'd lay my head upon)

I remember how it all changed
Small steps, uneasy, nothing to object
Till you were close enough
For so long..
I did not know where i was
When you would go..
If you should go.
But
Your reassurances that I'll never have to wonder.
Then why?
Do i go through my shelves
Wondering which book and whose story
Are you bringing colors into now?

I remember finding sunrise in your smile
Brightening to grey my blackest hours
That smirk upon your face,
those impish eyes
How could I have not fallen for?
But
I knew all along my story's end,
A light that bright burns way too soon
(I rather hoped it would not. Another mistake,
I just forget.)
I Hope, because you told me I must.

I remember when I was young,
I promised myself to never love
And how i forgot!
(You made me forget.)
But
Now I have a bag packed with essentials
Hidden under the bed, my visa renewed
And a courage overfed
You might guess, but you'd never know why.

My morning prayers become a chant
Reciting all the ways it would not last.